Posted by Leslie Pratch
A friend, Janet Grillo, is producing a low budget indie film reflecting her experiences as the mother of a child diagnosed at a young age with autism. Below is her entry, reprinted with her permission, from the Huffington Post. I encourage you to read it to learn more about being a mother with a child who falls along the autism spectrum. Janet’s unflagging efforts should give heart to all parents, whether or not their children have had to struggle to develop “normally.”
She writes:
It’s been 81 years since Virginia Woolf published her famously-quoted essay, based on lectures she delivered at Cambridge a year prior. And it’s been decades since I read it. It has taken me just about that long to finally follow her advice; “a woman must have a room of her own if she is to write.” Only this time I’m not just writing. I’m also directing: an ultra-low budget feature film that is personal, intimate, and absolutely from a woman’s point of view. It still kinda stuns me. After decades nurturing the voice and vision of other filmmakers, first as a studio executive, then as an independent producer, I’m daring to claim to my own creativity.
So here I am, in the middle of my life, filling up my own room. What took me so long? I was raised as a feminist; my mother gave me a subscription to MS Magazine for my 13th Birthday. I embraced an education, followed by a robust career as a studio executive. And I considered it an empowering choice, for which I was grateful, to step off the career track and onto the mommy track. How did I loose track of my own dreams in the process? Or did the dreams transform?
When my mother was my age, she considered the best part of her life as behind and not ahead. My grandmother, at this same age, considered herself “old.” And my great-grandmother most certainly was. But that was then, and this is the era of longevity, vitality, wellness, endless possibilities, unlimited expectations and constant, dynamic change. We’ve rewritten all the rules. But maybe rules don’t apply, anyway. Maybe rules are scaffolds we construct to contain what we can’t control. Which is just about everything.
My dreams and expectations changed radically when my child was diagnosed with autism. From that moment, and for the next decade, every thought in my head, urge in my heart and pulse in my body was redirected to helping him. When your child is diagnosed with autism, you’re told that MUCH can improve. And that the most profound change can occur before the age of 5. My son was already three. So the clock was ticking, the meter was running, and I had a choice to make; pursue my own needs, or save his life. So I put away the screenplay I was writing, abandoned the film collective I was trying to form, and shut off any notion of going back to a traditional job. In their place, I organized a line of behavioral therapists, occupational therapists, auditory training technologies and cassein-free diets. And I thanked God each day that I was graced with the resources to do so.
And guess what? A miracle did occur. Now, at age 16, my child has emerged out of a fog of neurological chaos into days spent text messaging friends, logging onto Facebook, and rolling his eyes with embarrassment when Mom shows up and cramps his style. He is so reciprocal and engaged that his diagnosis is now “secondary autistic features.” Secondary. Autism is no longer the first thing you notice when you meet him, if you notice it at all. It’s no longer the first thing I think about when I wake up, or the last thing I think about when I go to bed. He is living a full life. And here’s the good news and the bad news; so can I.
My life. What had it become? My marriage had frayed past the breaking point and was over years before it officially ended. My son was attending a residential boarding school, which continues to advance him leaps and bounds. And I found myself wandering alone, in a large and empty house. And then I saw it–the door at end of a long passageway, bolted and forgotten. It was my own room. I unlocked and entered it. And began to write.
I wrote about what I had lived, as the mother of a child struggling to endure each new day. I wrote about what he had lived, with the hindsight of what no longer plagued him. I wrote with the hopes that those on a similar journey would feel the connection of identification. That those who didn’t share it, might understand and identify with what makes us most human: love. I wrote a love story between a mother and her child. It poured out of me. And now that screenplay is about to be filmed.
Fly Away tells the story of a single mother of a teenage daughter severely impacted by autism. On the brink of adulthood, what used to work for the girl no longer does, and the mother must confront what every parent sooner or later must– if our children are to thrive, we must let go. But what does a person with autism age into? What lies ahead for them–and for us–as they do?
The crest of the wave of the epidemic increase in autism is maturing. Our kids and our families are on the edge of a cliff, not knowing where to land. It’s a huge concern, if not a crisis, for our community. And for our society, as one percent of Americans are on the spectrum of autism, with more being diagnosed each day. Fly Away dramatizes our predicament. The mother finds a place for her child to live. And then she must find a place for herself.
Today, we are in full swing, in pre-production to shoot Fly Away as an ultra-low budget film. An amazing cast of actors, including my dear friend Beth Broderick (brilliant in so many ways, as evident in her own Huffington Post blogs), and a hugely talented and dedicated production team, have joined with me. We formed an L.L.C., and are selling lost cost shares to investors. We’re also supported by tax deductible contributions. A non-profit organization, Film Alliance, is sponsoring us, accepting 100% tax deductible contributions on our behalf. We have our own website (another room of one’s own). Importantly, the leading national advocacy organization, Autism Speaks, will collaborate with us in a grassroots social networking campaign, assuring that our film will reach its audience.
It’s amazing what can happen when you walk out of the room. But first, I had to remember it was there, open the door, and enter it. Thank you, Virginia.
- Janet Grillo
Thank you, Janet. Your selfless work is creating broader social awareness of developmental issues that can profoundly affect the adjustment of children identified as falling on the autism spectrum. It gives hope not only to the parents of such children but also to those parents of children who are labeled as not normal: You are not alone. You can cultivate positive outcomes through devoted, patient, persistent, and intelligent parenting. Janet, I am grateful for your work. I appreciate the suffering you endured and continue transcended, your persistent search for treatment options, and the determination that accompanied your providing Mathew the best mothering a mother ever could.
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Leslie Pratch, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist from Northwestern University with an M.B.A. in Strategy and Finance from the University of Chicago Booth School of Business, and a B.A. in Religion from Williams College. She works with boards of directors and private equity investors to select and develop executives. She can be reached at (312) 464-7919, leslie@pratchco.com, or visit her at www.pratchco.com.
Janet Grillo is an Emmy Award-winning film producer, a former film studio executive, and an award-winning filmmaker. Janet executive produced the documentary feature AUTISM: THE MUSICAL, which premiered to high acclaim at the 2007 Tribeca Film Festival and aired on HBO in 2008. It was nominated for five Emmy Awards, winning two: Best Non-Fiction Feature and Best Editing of a Non-Fiction Feature. She can be reached through the website cited above.
A Magna Cum Laude graduate of Wesleyan University in Connecticut, and an MFA recipient of the NYU Tisch School of the Arts, Janet worked as Assistant Literary Manager for Circle Repertory Company in the early 1980’s, where she was also a member of its Playwright’s Workshop Lab. At that time, she began her association with New Line Cinema in 1984 as its first “in house” Story Analyst. She was soon hired to establish the Story Department and became New Line’s first Story Editor. After a few years, she identified the need for a separate Acquisitions Division and designed that department, becoming New Line’s first Director of Acquisitions. Her first project was the discovery of filmmaker Reggie Hudlin, and the development of his feature debut HOUSE PARTY. The film received the coveted Audience Award at Sundance in 1990, and went on to become a cult classic, grossing $25 million in North American theatrical revenues on a budget of $1.5 million. Janet then executive produced its two financially successful sequels.
While at New Line, Janet developed and executive produced Joseph B. Vasquez’s acclaimed feature HANGIN’ WITH THE HOMEBOYS, starring John Leguizamo and Doug E. Doug. It received the Waldo Salt Screenwriting Award at Sundance in 1991. She developed and associate -roduced PUMP UP THE VOLUME in 1992. In 1994, Janet developed and co-executive produced Ted Demme’s directorial debut WHO’S THE MAN. The same year, she developed and executive produced David O. Russell’s acclaimed feature debut, SPANKING THE MONKEY, which in 1995 won the Sundance Audience Award and launched his prestigious career. Subsequently, she participated in the development and editing of Russell’s films FLIRTING WITH DISASTER, THREE KINGS, and I HEART HUCKABEES.
In 1994, Janet left New Line to pursue her own producing ventures. Since then, she executive produced the critically acclaimed independent feature, JOE THE KING, which won the Waldo Salt Screenwriting Award at the 1999 Sundance Film Festival. It was released by TriMark in October of that year. Along with Ruth Charny (GRACE OF MY HEART and SEARCH AND DESTROY), Janet produced SEARCHING FOR PARADISE, which was developed at the Writing and Directing Lab at Sundance. It was distributed on the Sundance Channel in 2002.
Over the past few years, Janet wrote and directed two short films, which toured film festivals here and abroad. She received the Silver Lei Award for Filmmaking Excellence from the Honolulu Film Festival, and the Best Dramatic Short Award from the First Glance Film Festival L.A. in 2009.
